


Fizz

by Shadesabyss



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Assisted Suicide, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicide, reactivated squip, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadesabyss/pseuds/Shadesabyss
Summary: Jeremy has felt fizzy since High School
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Jeremy Heere's Squip
Comments: 8
Kudos: 51





	Fizz

**Author's Note:**

> I'm aware ths doesn't exactly go with my brand here, but I wrote it so I thought I might as well post it.

Bubbles of carbonation burst against the sides of my glass, the sickly green soda sloshing near the rim as I lift the cup. It spills on the way to my ear, soaking through my shirt and sending a chill down my already cold skin.

I can hear the drink hiss beside my ear as if it’s speaking to me, telling me to turn back while I still can. It burns going down my throat, downing the whole glass in a few gulps. My fingers curl around the cool metal railing in front of me, knuckles going white. I’m ready.

He keeps me waiting, the night air growing colder still before the familiar spark sets off inside my brain. My teeth grit, refusing to scream as his network reactivates; tearing itself through me. My ears buzz, a dull glow flickering into existence beside me.

“Called me here to gloat one last time?” I force myself to look. He looks the same, electricity flowing through his blue eyes as he stares back at me. I can hardly bare to look at him. “Would you prefer someone else now, Jeremy?” his form glitches, twisting and changing before my eyes. At least a head shorter, a face I haven’t seen in a long time stares back at me. I stagger backwards, lifting my arm as if I need to protect myself from him.

“Oh? Michael doesn’t fill you with that sense of relief anymore? The flicker of love you hid from your eyes has finally died?” he cycles again, getting shorter still to show me another ghost of the past. Christine. She never spoke to me again, after everything. None of them did.

“Just.. look like you.” he obliges, swirling back to the form I recognise. It isn’t comforting, but that’s not what he’s here for. “I need your help again.” he raises a brow, looking around at where we are. The Squip says nothing, eyes following me as I come back to the spot I was before.

I kneel, untying my shoes one at a time before slipping them off, lining them up with the toes pressed against the bottom of the railing. Next my socks, peeling each one off carefully and tucking them inside my shoes. I dig my cell phone out of my pocket, staring down at the dim screen. Its been turned off for hours.

I bring the small device down hard on the metal guard, snapping it nearly in half and tossing it over the side. I don’t hear the splash, the water too far beneath my feet. Alright.

There’s a small gap here in the rail where a trash can typically sits, barely enough room for me to squeeze my body through to stand on the edge. My toes curl around the side, fingers gripping the metal behind me tightly. Looking down, the river swirls in the gentle night wind; small waves lapping at the banks as the water carries out on its way through.

I’ve seen the view many times, staring down for hours until leaving again; never able to do it. My hands always refusing to let go, feet staying glued to the spot. I’ve stayed until the sun rose, the time for things like this passing. My mouth is dry.

“Convince me.” I give The Squip an order, unable to tear my eyes off the drop in front of me. He scoffs. “Well, if you’re looking for a reason not to-” I can feel him poke around inside my head, sifting through what he’s missed since we last spoke fourteen years ago. No friends, no family, I don’t have anything left. When the squip touches my cheek, forcing me to look up at him, I don’t even have any tears left to cry.

This is what I want. This is what I’ve wanted for a long time. He knows that, he knows everything about me. I could swear the smile he gives me is sympathetic, thumb stroking across my cheek gently; the whisper of a touch glancing across my cheek, though he isn’t real.

The Squip presses a kiss against my forehead, my temple throbbing as though I’ve been crying for hours. I swear I can feel warmth rolling off him, my ears buzzing when he’s near.

“I can assure you that you’ll feel no pain. Your body will begin to shut down due to shock from the fall, and you will die almost instantly upon contact with the water. If you do not, you will only last a minute in the river at this speed and temperature; and if you must, you will undoubtedly be unconscious.”

He lays a hand over one of mine, coaxing me to let go of the rail behind me.

“I would advise for you to close your eyes,” I do, lashes fluttering against my cheeks. I can feel The Squip’s hand on my back, fingers ghosting along my jawline delicately. I barely feel the kiss on my lips, my shoulders relaxing under his touch.

The pit in my stomach is gone now, the pounding in my head easing to allow me to think clearly for the first time in months. The air up here is crisp and fresh, a cold breeze quickly drying the fresh tears on my face as they leak from my eyes. It’s cold, but the bite from the chill is long gone from my skin. My chest is light, the weight on my breast finally lifting with one final deep breath.

The Squip presses gently on the small of my back, encouraging me forward. It’s more of a step than a leap, the concrete disappearing from beneath my bare feet. Wind whips through my hair, my eyes still squeezed shut as I let my arms spread in the wind.

And, for a moment I feel as though I’m flying. So free, from the ground and from the past. My painful memories left behind and carried away by the wind.

And I think I’m glad I wasn’t alone.

**Author's Note:**

> I am a mod on a bmc darkfic blog on [Tumblr](https://heeres-suffering.tumblr.com/) if you'd like to stop by!
> 
> You can also find me in the Squip/Jeremy Discord server
> 
> I don't typically ask, but I would appreciate your being kind in the comments


End file.
